Are Trials Equal?

Are trials equal?


4 wednessday Are Trials equal_ scale7-2

Hi everyone, I’ve missed you. I have a lot of questions to answer.  Some can be answered in the same post.  So, the one I am answering today will also answer those of you, who have been asking how my surgery went, how I am doing (info about surgery is at the end of the article). Here’s the question of the week.

“Are trials equal? Why do some people seem to have so many more trials than others?   It seems my mom has more than most.”  This question was asked by a young girl whose mother seems to never have any relief from her health problems.  She said, “My mother is always depressed, sleeping…,” and through this child’s perspective her mother doesn’t seem to have any hope or happiness within her.

She asked me this about 4 months ago as I was lying in bed and could not get out because I was so sick.  At that point, I had stopped writing because the pain was too bad for me to even think or look at the computer screen.

I felt like I could relate to this mother to some degree.  I have been sick for quite some time.  And yes, through it I have had brief moments of; depression, anxiety, hopelessness…, all those feelings we ALL feel at the times in our lives when our burdens seem heavier than we have the strength to carry.  (If you learn to use adversity right, it can take you to a place you could never have gone before) author unknown.

This young girl went on to ask me, “You are sick, you have been for a long time.  Yet, you are still happy and nice. How can I help my mom be happy?”  That made me feel good because it was hard to be pleasant when I was sick.  Especially when it seemed answers were coming at a snail’s pace.

without hardships, we would not have valued easeI am not superhuman.  And I do have to fight not to let those negative feelings overcome me.  However, I have found that with practice I can be positive and happy even in pain.  I can see all the lessons to be learned through the journey of my life a lot clearer when my eyes are not blinded from negative thoughts.

To answer are all trials equal?  They may not be equal at the same moment.  But I truly believe that if we looked deeply into the entire course of anyone’s life.  We would find that each of us have trials that make us feel as this young girls’ mother feels.  I believe our trials can be turned into the moments in our lives where we grow the most from.  And become the heavenly daughter/son that we started out this journey to become.

I told her there were 5 major things that help me hold onto hope and happiness.


  1. Remember where it is your strength comes from.The power of prayer. With it, we are never ever alone.  It is my greatest desire to point people’s eyes toward heaven.  Help them remember who they are and what we are here for. 





  1. book of Mormon My scriptures. They are a constant reminder that there is something all around us so much bigger than us and our problems.   There are so many that have lived before us that experienced the same kinds of trials and came out triumphantly in the end.  They share it with us through the scriptures.  The scriptures are basically the personal journals of righteous people who have come before us.






  1. get up and move (2)I must get up and move.  No matter how painful it is.  At times I have used a cane, a wheelchair or someone else’s arm but moving is vital to our overall mental and physical health. This also applies to getting up and finding the help we need from friends, family, and professionals.  Only you have the power to ask and accept the help that is out there for us.





  1. Put positive things in and you'll get positive resuNutrition. For me this is vital.  I have a lot of allergies.  If I want energy and health, I must put positive things in my body to get a positive reaction from my body.  I try to stay away from Genetically modified food, soy, and gluten.






  1. perspectivePositive thoughts. I know that I have the power within my own mind to view the world around me in a positive or negative way. I find that life no matter what I am going through is a better journey when I am happy.  I can be happy when I choose to see the good things that surround me.




I believe our trials all equal out in the end. We have all experienced pain, sorrow, depression, anxiety from our hardships.  Our adversities may be different, but they still feel the same.  We are all learning, experiencing, overcoming, and becoming stronger.  I cannot think of one thing that I have gone through and overcame that I have not become stronger, more compassionate with a better view of the world around me.this makes this even better (2)

Here is a great video on adversity and why we experience it.



My Surgery

When I first met with the neurosurgeon my body was doing this…

This was an allergic reaction to gabapentin a medication they were giving me for pain.

He said, “I can’t help you.  The Chiari Malformation (This is what I was diagnosed with.) is not causing your body to do this.   Compassionately he looked at me laying on his exam table he asked, “Shawna what do you think?  This is a very painful surgery.”

7 Saturday 7-6I was weak, at my breaking point, all my defenses down, and not caring if the other people in the room where religious people or not, I answered between sobs.  “I have prayed and fasted about this so many times.  I feel like I have finally been led to you and that you are the one that will be able to help me.” After 4 years of not knowing if my legs were going to work or not, headaches, and constant pain. I finally felt like I had the answer I was searching for.

After I had seen a lot of other doctors to verify that there were no other things going on that could have been causing my symptoms, (besides the gabapentin.) he agreed to perform the surgery.  Explaining to me that my legs may not work properly for quite some time after the surgery.  He also addressed the fact that he did not know how my body would respond to the medications because of my sensitivity in the past to meds.  “This could take you a long time to recover Shawna.  I just want you to know up front what you are facing, and it may not help.”  He factually stated.

“I’ll be running a year from the date of the surgery,”  I stated knowing in my heart that this was true.

“I hope so.”  Is all he could say.

Six weeks after the surgery, my last Post Op appointment.

“What’s your pain level?” His quite soft-spoken technician asked as she was documenting my progress.

“Zero” I hadn’t said that word in four years.

2 Monday trials (1) July 1Both doctors came in and looked at me with a dumbfounded look on their face as I had explained to them how my recovery was going.  I had been hiking (Well… walking on dirt trails with slight inclines 😊) for a few weeks now.  “My head feels so light.  Before it felt like a 50lb bowling ball sitting on my shoulders. I can watch tv without my sunglasses on, my ears are no longer ringing, and best of all there is absolutely no pain in my legs!”  I was just so happy.  I’m still recovering but, I am still very happy with the outcome.  I love you all very much!  Thanks for all your prayers and support!!

If you any questions you can instant message me.  If I can’t answer or help you I have a team of people that we can ask and get you headed in the right direction.  Love









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